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Thursday, June 1, 2017

I Just Can't Say Goodbye

I'm no good today.  I can't stop crying. I'm a wreck.  My best friend... more than a best friend.... is moving in a couple weeks. We've been inseparable for 18 years. No one else gets me--truly gets me.  I'm so sad. I'm gonna be completely empty inside. 

We have been through so much together. She was there holding my hand in the hospital when I was about to have my C-Section. She was here visiting when I had ankle surgeries. I went to see her when she had her broken neck repaired.  

We went to our first convention together. We did our first cosplay together. We went to Hawaii together.  We celebrated each others' milestone birthdays, and all the other ones in between. We made crafts together and gave each other homemade gifts. I taught her birding and she started doing the Christmas Bird Count with me.  

We raised teenagers together. She saw my kids graduate and perform in plays. She even went to open house at school as the "other mother" (that phrase turned a few heads!)  Our families shared holidays together. I stood by her side as she and her husband renewed their vows.  We went to each others' kids' weddings. 

We organized womens events and food drives together and we sang together in church. When I left that church I lost all my friends there except her. 

Her and her husband opened their home to us when we were evacuated from firestorms and when they were sealing our floor and I was pregnant I stayed at their house to avoid the fumes. I went with her to help clean out her parents house after her mom died (though I admit I was in a bit of a funk and not much help). 

We have different views on a lot of things, but she's the only person that i can have a conversation about them with and not get mad or argue or think the other person is an idiot. We respect each others' opinions and I've learned a lot from her. She is smart and brave and has a heart the size of Alaska. I feel like she's the only one that really ever cared about me.  

I feel like part of me is dying. I can't stop sobbing.

There's no one else here to do all these nerdy things with me.  No one else that would unconditionally be here at 2 a.m. if I called. She just retired and we were supposed to spend so much time together now. We were supposed to go to classes at the gym and go on hikes. We were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together after our husbands die....and suddenly she's leaving. I don't think i sobbed this hard since my mom died. 

My heart is officially BROKEN. 💔